Day 4… not gone so well :/

Hi all

Welcome to my daily update.

Well, today has been a failure I’m afraid. I woke up with all good intentions. Didn’t crave my usual biscuit breakfast and was all set to go home for lunch as I have been for some ham sandwiches on wholemeal bread. So allll healthy and ready to tackle another day of eating well.

That was, until my colleague called me up and offered to take both myself and other colleague/friend for lunch. Here I was thinking ‘OK, I’ll just have grilled chicken at Nandos’, but Nandos was too busy and we only had an hour,  so instead we headed for Chimmychangas. I knew as soon as I was stepping into the restaurant I would be eating the most fattening and delicious foods, and I didn’t disappoint my brain… but I did upset my waistline.

I had the most delicious steak fajitas with chips and a few nacho’s. And I mean DELICIOUS. But sadly, I am now feeling annoyed with myself for agreeing to go for this lunch. I should have had the will power to say no. It’s just typical of me to agree. But, I love that place, and hell,  it was a free lunch… who would say no?!

The only thing I will say is, I’m not going to let this ruin me. Ok so I’ve messed up today, but does this mean I have to let it mess me up for good and give in already thinking ‘well I might as well carry on eating rubbish all day now’… NO! I’ve let that happen to me far too many times where I will have a bad day, it puts me off and then I just give up on myself and go back to my old ways of eating junk. Why do I do that to myself? Everyone is bound to have off days with anything they are trying to give up, a smoker will still have a sneaky fag every now and then when they are giving up and this is no different.

But I’m getting back on that wagon and riding it again. I won’t let one slip up ruin how determined I’ve been this week. In fact, it’s made me even more so as I feel I can fight this.

I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT! Not for anyone else but me. I want it for health and fitness reasons, and I want it for physical aesthetics too. I want to be able to go into a clothes shop and pick up whatever I like the look of, it fit and be happy again. Not go in, it fits over my head and then I need assistance as I can’t get it off. Yes this happened to me. I was so embarrassed.

I remember a couple of months ago also, a top that I bought when I was a comfortable size 10 -12, no longer fitted. I think since I’ve gained weight, my breasts have gotten slightly bigger as, when trying on this top recently, I pulled it down with all my might past my boobs – realised I could hardly breathe and thought to take it of. Only, I couldn’t. After about 5 mins of struggling and going red in the face from panic and actual pain (as it was stuck on my arms and cutting into them) I had to run downstairs with my gut hanging out and a top half way up my chest and get my mum to help take it off. It took several minutes and I actually wanted to cry!

I’ve gained more weight since then!!!

That’s why I can’t let one slip up destroy my need to get rid of this excess weight and actually be able to wear something by just slipping it on.

The test now though is the weekend. I know I am going out with my mum this Sunday for lunch. But I also know it is at a restaurant where I can quite happily eat grilled chicken and a baked potato so I don’t have to over do it.

So that’s my entry for today. Unfortunately an unsuccessful day, but a different mindset to that I used to have.

Until tomorrow…. Happy Friday the 13th 🙂

Athena xXx

day 3.. alil bit of a crave day

Hi everyone and happy Thursday :).

 

So this morning, and whilst sitting at work… I wanted BISCUITS. Bourbons to be precise. I wanted that biscuit more than I wanted Michael Fassbender.. and trust me, that’s a LOT.

 

I almost nearly went to the shop to buy them! BUT, instead, I went to my Facebook support group and my friend Emily asked ‘is it really worth it,’ and I stopped, had a think, and said ‘NO, it really isn’t’! So I resisted 🙂 Ate a banana instead too which is a zillion times healthier.

 

Lunch time consisted of ham and cucumber sandwiches on wholemeal bread, and then my mum peeled and sliced me an apple 😀 it was like I was at school again.

 

No idea at all what’s for dinner!

 

Not gonna lie though, as per my previous blog, I still am having ‘tea time’ which is a chocolate and crisps. I know that sounds like I’m never gonna lose weight, but I love them and I think I’d cry without. It’s my little ‘thing’. Every evening, I go home, have a small choc and crisps and watch Hollyoaks… like a slob 😦 BUT again, I will reiterate the fact that this has always been how it is and I have managed in the past to lose weight by cutting down on the others.

 

Just a short blog today I’m afraid as gotta dash off but will do a bigger one tomorrow… and then next week is my ‘weigh day’ eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

 

Bye all 🙂 xxx

Day 2 of the lovely so called ‘diet’

Hi all

Welcome to my daily update 🙂

Hmmmm well this morning, I woke up and the 1st thing I thought about was biscuits. Ummm, seriously? what’s wrong with my head. BISCUITS 1st thing in the morning?!! Sadly though, this is what I have been used to eating every day so guess my body had a little craving… but I did NOT give in to it B-)

Instead I ate a banana. What a difference. However, this banana was all newly yellow from green so it was too hard 😦 (get your dirty minds out the gutter, honestly *shakes head*) I like banana’s when they’re a little brownish and softer, apparently this is when they contain more sugar so sounds about right.

Had my daily tuna sarni today for lunch with cucumber which was nice… but as I have this for all week, I can see me getting bored VERY quickly so will change it up next week.

No idea what’s for dinner tonight, when I went home at lunch I saw my mum crying from chopping up onions, along with garlic and yellow peppers so it at least looks healthy so far.

I decided that, instead of eating snacks at work if I felt a lil hungry (although today I’ve felt quite full) and to not crave sugar, I would buy diet coke after my lunch!

The unhealthiest thing you can drink I know. Fizzy drinks are terrible but I find them filling and then I don’t want sweets etc. I used to drink a glass of diet coke every day, I don’t like the taste of full fat coke even though, really, it’s better for you as diet coke is riddled with sweeteners which link to cancers! (not that full fat coke is good for you even slightly by the way)

However, a few months ago I decided, for that reason, to cut it out of my daily routine. I thought it would be really hard and that I would crave it non stop, but you know what, it was easy after a week! Now, and take the few sips I had today for example, I find it tastes vile. Really do. Don’t even know why I bought it today because I’m probably not going to drink it so it won’t really settle any sugar craving after all. And to think, this is the drink I used to have daily.

Oh don’t get me wrong, if it’s a really hot summers day, I don’t mind drinking an ice-cold diet coke with a lovely slice of lemon or lime in a pub or restaurant, but that’s probably because it’s so weakened down that it doesn’t taste as ‘sharp’ as when you get it in a new bottle.

Must say though, I still do like a Dr Pepper. Just don’t drink it hardly ever. Nope, instead I drink water and just that. I don’t like flavoured water (contains sugar) and I only like juice that’s 100% pure and not from concentrate (especially the innocent smoothies… mmm mmmm) but I don’t drink juice unless it happens to be in the house. Again, probably due to the sugar content… although these are natural sugars so not harmful.

Funnily enough, talking about fizzy drinks, I work for a magazine company and we’re doing a Dr’s related issue and got talking about foods that are meant to be good for you but have hidden nasties in them. OK, obviously diet coke is not known to be good for you, but it reminded me of a certain weight loss meeting I had last year when the leader said ‘ohhh drink as much as you like, it has no fat so you can drink it all day’ I mean… seriously? Is this meant to be good advice? I actually found it quite shocking but hey ho. Probably why I don’t go back as most of these leaders are uneducated regarding nutrition sadly. I don’t believe being told that, and eating haribo sweets isn’t ‘bad’ for you contributes to good nutritional advice

My editor also mentioned the test on YouTube about pouring coke onto raw pork and you see worms or maggots coming out. OH. MY.GOD. I wanted to puke. Ok so that’s really more about pork than the coke it’s self but I mean, doesn’t it just make you think… what the hell do we put into our bodies! It’s ALL about being a vegetarian. It’s just a shame I know I would never be able to become a veggie. I like the taste of certain meats too much. Also, I’m Greek. How would I ever attend family functions when 90% of their food is meat!

I probably have come way off track to what I was originally going to post today. Ha, as always, I trail off into my own little world and go off subject. But as this is more of a daily diary than just talking about losing weight, I think it’s fine 😉

By the way, I would say my mood today is quite… content. I don’t feel hungry, I don’t feel like I’m craving anything bad (apart from my initial morning thought) and I don’t think that I can’t keep this up 🙂

Tell you what, blogging is really helping me. I find it so enjoyable and therapeutic and have even been offered to do it for the website of the magazine I work for so… yay! I’ll be an actual published blogger 😀

Until tomorrow…. goodbye and Godspeed 😀

Ath xXx

First day of my ‘diet’

Hi All

So here is day 1 if my ‘diet’ or, just cutting crap out as I’d prefer to think of it.

Thing is, when I say ‘cut crap out’ I don’t mean it 100% I know, I know… how am I ever going to lose weight if I don’t stop the over load of crisps and chocolate?

Well,  I like the old saying of ‘a little of what you fancy is fine’ and that ‘your body needs all types of fats etc for it to break it down’.. or, something along those lines (maybe I’m making it up to make myself feel good)

But the difference I’m making is cutting things out like a pack of biscuits for breakfast to myself! Snacking on cakes and sweets at work, and I will be cutting down on my portion size also.

Ok so, what have I eaten today… ? Well, I had a banana for breakfast, lunch consisted of a tuna sarnie (on WHOLEMEAL bread I might add) with lettuce and tonight, hmmm think it’s the bad process food my mum’s making – Garlic Chicken Kievs… YUMSTERS!

I’m joining the choir tonight! Remember in my last blog I stated how my dream was to be on the Westend Stage? Well, this isn’t exactly the Westend, but it’s still me singing. And hopefully next month (when I have some more money) I’ll start up my dance classes again to keep fit too.

Me going there tonight means I won’t be at home able to do my usual of eating chocolate and crisps so I’m happy re that.

See, since I was a kid, I have had a habbit thanks to my mum that, we eat dinner at 9pm and before that, around 6pm… we have ‘tea time’. This always consisted of a chocolate and crisps. Yup, it’s a shocker how I’m overweight I know. But the point is, this is the routine I’ve had almost all my life and it’s very hard to break, especially when my mums sitting down eating it in front of me when I’ve tried to resist and the gap between the times of having eaten lunch and the time my mum cooks. I dunno, I blame the parents myself! 😉

Yes I know I could cook for myself. But things are sometimes easier said than done. For one, we don’t have an oven! True story. It broke years ago and my mum has not been able to replace it so cooks certain things in the oven part of our microwave. But regardless of this fact, if I’ve come home after work, tired, the last thing I want to do it cook for myself when I know my mum is going to be cooking later on and eating in front of me. Also, she’s a damn good cook and I don’t even know where to begin! PLUS, money wise at the moment is tough, so I can’t afford to buy extra ‘healthy’ foods when, again, I know my mother will be cooking.

Yup, some may excuses, I say… FACT. But it’s fine. I’ve managed to lose weight this way loads of times before. The only reason it comes back is because I’ve let it. I’ve allowed myself to get back into eating snacks at work and extra junk.

So here I am, trying again for the millionth time. Day one so far= good. Lets see what day 2 brings…

Till then, this is me, signing out 😀

xXx

Hello world!

Me at my current weight 🙂

Hi all and welcome to my blog! 🙂

My boyfriend has been telling me to do this on and off for ages now and I just didn’t bother. But now, seeing how much enjoyment my sister is getting from doing it, along with a friend starting up a weight loss group, I decided to start doing this.

It will be an honest outlook on how the ‘dieter’ works. The highs and the lows. This is my personal and honest outlook in how I feel when on a diet and I’m sure, as many of you who have been, or are still on a diet, will understand the long route it takes to regain your confidence back.

So lets start from the top:

I have always struggled with my weight. Even when I didn’t really have a reason to worry.

The most prolific moment for me in knowing I had a weight issue was when I was around 9(!) when, for some reason that I can’t even begin to remember, the teachers were weighing us and shouting the weight of each student to fellow classmates (cruel really, when I look back on this) I remember being 7 stone and one of the boys shouted ‘7 stones?? That’s more than me!’ and laughed 😦 I felt humiliated.

Then later in my secondary school life, I had gained more weight and was not very confident at all. I was awful in P.E. hated it. hated wearing the little P.E uniform knowing my chunky legs would be on display, hated becoming breathless so easily after running for only 1 minute (seemed like an eternity) and hated always being picked last because people knew I wasn’t fit enough to keep up.

I never had a boyfriend in school and although I was never bullied, I felt low and shy. Everyone put my weight down to puppy fat and that it would go when I grew up… and by 16… they were right!

I started my performing arts college from the age of 16-18. These were the best years of my life for many reasons. I had a great circle of friends, had gone down to 8st 5lbs (smallest I’ve ever been) and gained confidence. It’s also when I had my first boyfriend 😉

As you can imagine, performing arts is a very active course where you are almost on your feet every day and do dance classes so it was easy to stay in shape. I would be there from early in the morning, to come show days, late at night so I didn’t really have a steady eating pattern. I would eat chips and chinese food most days there, but I guess as I was so active, I just didn’t gain the weight.

I then graduated… and that’s where it all went downhill.

I got an office job working as a receptionist at the age of 18. This, as you can imagine, consisted of nothing but sitting down ALL day snacking from boredom. A vast contrast from the 6 months prior.

Most of my working life has consisted of me sitting down all day dealing with computers.

I’m also a qualified beauty therapist having worked in a salon (over a year ago now) or 2 years and I was almost certain that I’d lose weight being in this enviornment. Ya’know, working on my feet all day, only having 30 mins for lunch… but it didn’t make one difference. Why?? Oh yea, that’s it, still ate like a hog!

Since then, I have struggled up and down with my weight and am now the heaviest I have ever been (12 stone) and also, find it the hardest I ever have to go on a diet. Why?? Who knows. Maybe it’s my age that I don’t seem to have the energy I once had to dance every day. Maybe its boredom in my life as, lets face it, I’m not exactly on the Westend stage as I had imagined my life would be. All I know is, it’s hard.

Some people reading this who may be bigger than me may think ’12 stone is nothing compared to me so she can’t talk’ but you must remember, it’s not about how much someone may weigh, its a psychological feeling that everyone goes through when dealing with a weight issue, be it too big OR too small.

So this is where I’m at. 29 years old, 12 stone exactly and trying to lose weight for no one other than ME.

If I slip up, and lets face it, I probably will (I’m human) I don’t need the usual ‘oh I knew you would, diets just don’t work for you’ that doesn’t help. Instead a simple ‘don’t worry, you can try again’ will do.

Follow me on my quest to go back to my ideal and healthy weight of 9st. I will be posting pics here and there as this is where it all starts!

I’d also love to hear from anyone else going through anything similar and if you have any questions regarding tips etc (as i have done quite a few diets in my time which have worked) let me know and I’d be happy to talk 🙂

For now, this is me… signing OUT! xXx